Highs & Lows
As soon as UFC started in 93 my brothers and I were instantly hooked. This was the place where all the martial arts could be pitted against each other to see who was really the best. It was still a fairly small sport with no following in 1999 when my older brother Sam and I began training NHB or No Holds Barred in his garage. We had a Bob punching bag, some focus mitts, some NHB gloves, and several layers of carpet stacked on top of each other for a grappling area. Needless to say the grappling surface was brutal on our knees and feet, leaving carpet burn down to the bone sometimes. We trained for over a year at least 4 times a week. Mainly watching old UFC VHS cassettes and imitating the submissions we could. Drilling techniques over and over again, most of which I now know were done fairly wrong. I had even found a place in Florida that was doing a fight card and I was given an actual fight. We started training as much as we could. Imagine rounds of just throwing strait punches or uppercuts. We didn't really know how to throw combos or even work mitts for that matter. Much of it was very sloppy but it was preparing me mentally and physically for a battle. All of my dreams are looking like they may come true. It wasn't WWF wrestling or boxing, the two things I wanted to be when I grew up but NHB was not around when I was making these dreams. When the fight fell through two weeks before and I can't lie, I was mildly relieved yet greatly devastated. The things that travel through your head when you know you have a fight coming up can be frightening. "What if I lose" or "what if I get hurt" these thoughts catch on like wildfire and before you know it, a loss has been spun into losing and disgracing your entire name, ruining all hope for the future or injury leading to paralysis or possible death. These thoughts take root in every moment and grow into a massive oak tree in a matter of seconds sometimes. This is something that only combat sports competitors can understand. We get no second chances. No one else is there to help us if we fall down. Everything falls directly into our lap and we get very few second chances in the cage, ring, or on the mat. I have often stated that, more so in MMA that any other sport I have competed in, for reasons I will discuss later I'm sure. “In victory, there are no greater feelings in the universe. The high is better than drugs, better than sex, better than anything I have experienced. On the down side, a loss is the lowest of lows. Your self worth will go right out the window and if not brought back in carefully, that trip out the window will lead to a very long and hard fall. No matter how close the fight, or even if the judges leaned the fight in your opponents favor wrongfully, the low experienced is tough to come back from. I have chained losses due to fighting for money and not love. Taking short notice fights I was not mentally or physically ready for. This has led to times of serious depression and lows. Most of which I have managed to hide from training partners, family, friends, and coaches. Too concerned about what others may think. I am an mma fighter, I can not be weak. Even for a moment. But that is the rollercoaster of the sport and why very few are cut out for the fight game. Especially long term.
